There is something within me that slows down the internal clock of my soul, so it seems. Things that should bother me do not often push me to respond fast. Things that upset me cause to pause and slow down but life still has to carry on. Things that threaten me, I will think of about them often, of the threats and the consequences of inactions but still, it does not drive home the urgency to react immediately.
Something has happened to my internal clock system. I think it has been over-wound too tight, too fast, too strong and the gears of wheels have worn out, there is no friction within, hence the ticking of the clock is irregular and dangerously slow. My response system is also gone mad.
I live in the tyranny of the urgency, I am the excellency of the urgent stuff. Sometimes I managed to get them all passed the deadlines just with minutes to the deadline, sometimes, I just went passed the deadlines due to wrongly memory of deadlines.
It seems I am driven by deadline. I have given up my life and I let the tyranny of urgency rules me. It dictates when I be rushing, when to pump adreline into my heart and forced to glue to my seat and get the problems resolved.
At those final countdown moments of few more days, or few more hours, I could decide to blog about it, write a poem about it or call a friend to complain. What is important does not get done !
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